Your expectations
Family expectations
Employer expectations
Then there are the expectations of neighbors, friends, church and God, to name a few.
Is there a difference between what you want versus what you expect?
Expectation involves, and is connected to beliefs. Beliefs about what you think should happen, what you think you should do, say, have and be – or not. Beliefs about what certain situations should be, or what others should say, do, have and be – or not.
It creates issues when we don’t recognize that beliefs can vary due to personality, experience, backgrounds, culture, gender and numerous other things. It can create major conflict – even wars in the worst case scenario.
If a person says nothing ever good happens to them or for them, and you’re part of their life, how will they be able to see you as something good happening to them or in their life? If they’re not expecting or believing anything good to happen, how will they filter whatever you do or say as good, no matter how much you do or give or try?
What if you’re that someone?
Catching negative thoughts that become negative expectations is crucial even for mental and emotional health, not to mention a healthy future.
This won’t work. This never turns out. This always happens. With this thinking and expectation, you won’t even recognize when there is a way to make something work. You won’t recognize the positive parts that are turning out great. You won’t recognize the truth that it doesn’t always happen and there are options.
But, it’s on sale – as if there won’t ever be another sale. The reality may be the next sale is even better, or you get a better quality item for the same price elsewhere.
There’s only two left – got to get it now or there might not be any left… The reality is that if those were produced, there were others produced, and there are many others out there. Sometimes when I decide to wait, I end up not getting it at all because once the initial enthusiasm wore off, I realized it really wasn’t all that important.
- Are you expecting to be left out – or to belong?
- Are you expecting things to go well – or to go crazy?
- Are you expecting to succeed – or fail?
- What are you expecting of yourself?
- What are you expecting of others?
Expectations don’t necessarily mean truth, but they can be your reality. Someone doesn’t shop at the dollar store because they don’t want to support child labor. The reality is that your hometown department store can be selling the same item but charging double or more because of theft, rent, insurance, etc. Expectations don’t change truth.
You expect that because someone says they love you they will want to marry you. Not necessarily. You expect because someone wants to marry you that they love you. Not necessarily. I’ve experienced both and am well aware that things and people aren’t always what they seem.
When it comes to expectations, who is talking and what is being said? What is it based on?
- Doubts can become beliefs or expectations – true or otherwise.
- Vision can become belief or expectations – true or otherwise.
- Fear can become belief or expectations – true or otherwise.
- Hopes and dreams can become beliefs or expectations – true or otherwise.
It’s important to get a reality check on our expectations and what they are based on. If we expect the fish to climb a tree and the squirrel to swim, there is something wrong with our expectations – not the fish or the squirrel. The fish excels at swimming and the squirrel excels at climbing.
When expectations are not aligned or based on truth and what is reasonable, feasible, communicated or agreed on, then conflict, anger and issues are created. It always amazes me when someone who is stealing and taking something that is not theirs ends up mad and upset because someone called the police on them. Hello? What did they expect? Based on what?
Expecting everyone to have or be the same of anything is unrealistic and grounds for trouble. Even as an individual, our legs, arms or other mirror-parts aren’t even the same on one side as the other. Our fingerprints aren’t the same as each other. Why in the world would anyone think everyone should be, or even can be, the same when things aren’t even the same in one living human body?
We do need to have positive expectations if we are going to live and live well. The question for both positive and negative expectations is based on what? Otherwise, it might not be true, but it can be your reality – and it will reveal truth one way or another which can give you clues or direction for changes going forward.