A friend and I came to an insightful concept as we enjoyed a walk and lazy Sunday afternoon visit this week. It brought more clarity to something I’ve pondered sharing with you all for the last month. These two concepts together can bring change to your life.
It started when listening to a service from Keith Moore around New Year’s. He said we struggle because we think something is an option.
Let me repeat that: We struggle because we think something is an option.
When we perceive something as not being an option, then it’s not an option and we move along. We don’t debate, struggle, try to get around it or justify it, because it’s just not an option.
For instance, I may really need money. However, in my mind it’s not an option to go rob a bank. So I don’t even consider it, and I sure don’t “struggle” with it. Now to those out there who perceive it’s an option in one part of their mind, but the other part of their mind says it’s not a good idea, they will struggle with:
Do I? Don’t I? Should I? Shouldn’t I? How can I? Because in their mind it’s an option.
To the rest of us who don’t see robbing a bank as a option, we will consider other options… Borrow, pray, wait, work extra hours, call the creditors to ask for time or get a second, different or better job are feasible options for us. We will only consider what we think is optional for us.
So what is it that makes something seem like an option for you, even when it isn’t wise, good or in your best interest?
My friend & I realized that when we “know” details and specifically what that knowledge means in the big picture, we tend to pay more attention and are not so inclined to find ourselves in “stuck” status – whether it’s time management, finances, watching weight or any other aspect. It’s when the picture is vague with only surface knowledge (you shouldn’t do it) we tend to think “oh well…” and pass it off as insignificant and of no matter, but is it really?
When we say “It doesn’t matter” or “It’s okay”, how often is there an element of it that does matter and on some level we are aware of it? Or when we say it’s okay, is there an element that on some level we sense is not okay? That element would be the key to why it does matter and it’s not okay.
It can ruin relationships, delay things, destroy opportunities, plans and even life itself.
-The diabetic or heart patient who eats poutine and cheesecake and it’s okay because it’s a treat.
-The smoker with lung cancer who stills smokes and it doesn’t matter because they can’t live without it when their body is saying they won’t be living “with it”.
-The person who disregards other’s needs, requests and boundaries in relationships…
-The person whose behavior is abusive, intimidating, destructive or manipulative…..
-Or the “understanding victim” who excuses and tolerates the behavior…..It not only matters, but it matters a lot. Even if some of your needs are getting met in this dysfunction, it does not mean it’s okay. What can possibly be okay about the results of any of it?
– How about when we justify making a certain decision or not making a decision because it “won’t really matter”?
– How about taking your time paying back what someone kindly lent you or the other debts you owe because “it doesn’t really matter” if you take your time.
– How about not making a phone call or sending a card even when you can’t shake the thought and then live with regrets when the person or opportunity is gone forever?
– How about knowing you could do something to just honour someone, but it’s not convenient, so you figure it’s okay, it doesn’t really matter anyway.
– How about when we put off that conversation we’re dreading because it’s uncomfortable, so we tell ourselves it doesn’t really matter, it’s okay….
Ask the person who the decision will affect, the person who could use the money that they lent you, the person who is lonely, desperate, feeling forgotten or dying. Ask the person who married you and is sharing their life with you, trusting you to be all you could and said you would be, if it doesn’t matter.
Ask the children who go without proper clothes or meals because it was “okay” for their parents to spend the last dollar on drugs, alcohol or smokes.
In our conversation we seemed to realize that once we have knowledge – not just a head knowledge of facts, but a knowledge of what that knowledge truly means, or the effects of it, it is as if our conscience or our spirit won’t even let us go there. It won’t even be an option to consider.
When cheesecake is no longer cheesecake, but an extra heavy burden to weight down and wear down your closest friend – your body…
When the poutine is no longer poutine but solid build-up to close your arteries and stress your poor heart which is already worn out and struggling, to work even harder…
When you realize the smokes will cause you to lie in a grave of shattered dreams, life unlived, gifts never used or given while leaving a gap in your family’s lives….
When you realize the addiction is living a life of it’s own in your body and the real you is prisoner, suppressed and oppressed…..
When you realize that spending that $5 will be the very reason the cheque is going to bounce and cost you $70 in NSF charges….
When you realize having that uncomfortable conversation could have kept your job, your relationship or eliminated a very bad situation later….
….all of a sudden it does matter. It’s not okay and it’s really not an option.
It is like putting gas in your car and not paying attention as the gas fills up and starts running out all over. The only part that doesn’t matter at that point is what you want and think. Because until you take your hand off the nozzle to shut the flow, that gas is going to keep flowing and you are going to have a stinky mess to deal with. You can walk away, but you’re going to walk away smelling like it, shoes saturated with it and paying for gas on the ground that you can’t even use. There are always effects and costs.
Realize that “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s okay” can be a warning signal of something you need to face, deal with, change or make different decisions on and it’s only a matter of time until the destruction of it will cost you. Is the cost of your peace, relationships, trust, your future (if you have to spend years with broken family, alone, in jail, bankrupt or homeless), jobs, opportunities and even your own health and life (eg living in anger and creating high blood pressure, stroke, heart attack or other sicknesses) really an option? I think not myself.
I suspect we’ve all lived life on both sides of the fence at one time or another in our life. The important thing to know is that life does matter, you matter and others matter. Our jobs matter, our finances matter, our government matters, situations matter and events matter. Why? Because they all affect our life. They are part of our life and life in general. This is what makes our life what it is or isn’t.
Start observing when you find yourself dismissing behavior, situations, things, people or even words and language in your life as okay and of no matter. What is making you think it doesn’t matter? What element of it does part of you know is not okay and it does matter? What different decisions do you need to make? What knowledge do you need to learn or pay attention to specifically? How would life be different if you honoured that part of yourself and others? As Mike Murdoch says “What you tolerate will never change”. Awareness is the first step.
May this year be one of greater consciousness, growth, awareness and victory for all of you. Be blessed.